Cows Gone Bad

I simply don't know what it is that I did wrong.

I tried, really, I did.

I tried to show these critters what was appropriate behavior but somehow the message just didn't sink in. I failed miserably as a key figure in their character development.

I suppose that I should explain my despair.

This herd of mine -- cows, that is -- was given to me by my sister and brother-in-law many years ago. I'm sure that Mary and John's expectation for this group of plastic bovines were that they would graze peacefully in my back yard for the rest of their little black and white lives.

But no.

No. They have escaped the confines of our secure six foot fence at every opportunity. They leave for weddings, for showers, for birthdays, for bluegrass festivals, and for....well, just about anything that they can think of. They've decked themselves out in everything from pilgrim costumes, to wedding finery, to fully illuminated red and white Christmas lights.

Shocking. So to speak.

So their latest escapade took them only as far as across the street, but my goodness. This time they're setting a very bad example for impressionable young people at the gateway of their adult lives: high school graduation.

My neighbor Susan's son's high school graduation party is tonight, and John and I didn't notice that they slipped away and planted themselves right on their front lawn.

With balloons. And mortarboards askew. Wearing scandalous shiny beads.

We tried to corral them but they refused to come home saying that they were going to party ALL NIGHT.

Sniff.

What's a responsible cow owner to do?

I'm thinking I should send Pinky over there to talk some sense into them. But on second thought, this is the four foot electric pink bird that loves taking center stage in our Christmas light spectaculars each year. Hm.....he'd probably just plant his stake in the lawn right next to those naughty girls of mine.

It's hopeless. I knew it. Especially after they told me that after the night's festivities, they were just going to go looking for the next party.

Sob.

Is there a support group for owners of delinquent lawn ornaments? I wonder what "tough love" would look for a bunch of badly behaved bovines....