Coming out of a flare is a very weird thing. I'm really glad that I'm starting to feel better......but this is the point when I am really cranky. Early on in a flare, I am either too tired or too foggy to summon the energy to be grouchy. But as my energy slowly builds, I find this delayed response to the yukky-ness of a flare finally lets loose.
"What? I've been out of commission for a whole week? What a waste of time! And I STILL don't feel good enough to head out to do everything that I want. Wah!!"
I pick on John. I nag the kids. I scold the dogs. I reminisce about imagined slights to my delicate ego that occurred years...no, decades ago. I argue with television reporters at the top of my lungs. I turn into a backseat driver and a Sunday morning coach.
I decide that the only thing that can boost my spirits is a yummy (insert any high calorie, high sugar, high fat, high wheat food item here). And after I successfully bully poor John or Terese or whoever into procuring said awful food item for me and I wolf it down......then I'm even more cranky because I feel GUILTY for eating said crappy food. Which I know will only make me feel worse in the long run.
So I stomp and roar (at nobody in particular) and pout, which takes a lot of energy and then I'm really tired. So I head to bed, and when I've had time to rest enough that my brain cells function somewhat normally again, realize that having the energy to be a stark raving bratty lunatic is actually a sign of recovery, and so could almost be viewed as a positive thing, kind of. Sorta. Well, it's better than being a stark raving bratty lunatic that is too tired to rant and rave.
Good thing this phase of flare recovery usually doesn't last all that long or things would be pretty ugly around here.....what's this?.......oh, for cryin' out loud....WHO LEFT THE CAP OFF THE TOOTHPASTE?!
I NEED LEMON MERINGUE PIE! NOW! Or heads will roll!
Luscious-looking lemon pie image and recipe found here. Somebody make one for me ASAP.
5 comments:
I am sure as a nurse yourself you will remember we worry about the ones NOT complaining- the ones whining will be fine!
I bet everyone around you sees it as a sign you have made it though the worst as well!
When all else fails, just open a bag of chocolate chips . . .
Perhaps you can educate us someday on what is a "flare"?
I pretty much feel the same every day - fatigued, but not bad but not really at the old way I used to have with unlimited energy.
I would gladly donate the last piece of Lemon Pie in my fridge to your cause if I could only figure out how to deliver it over the several hundred miles between us.
It seems to me that often the talk about flares clusters around the time periods when I am experiencing flares as well. Could it be weather patterns/moon phases or just the fact that when we are in a flare we seek the company of those who understand?
@ Anonymous: a flare is a period of noticeably increased disease activity lasting a defined time (usually at least several days or a week, but can be any defined period of time) followed by either a new plateau or a reduction in symptoms back to a previous level. Many people with autoimmune diseases seem to progress in this flare/remission fashion so you will hear a lot about flares within the community of autoimmune disease sufferers. Hope that helps, I'm sure others will chime in with more and better explanations.
Just this morning I was hurling obscenities. I even Googled the relation between pain and anger.
I was mad at everything- which only attracts more ugly stuff...I was in a vicious cycle until I read this.
So nah world! I'm not the only one! BICJ wants pie and I want ice cream darn it! NOW!
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