And The Beep Goes On

Beans. It's What's For Dinner. 

John has a very minor hearing loss. It's at the high end of the hearing spectrum. And this has caused me no end of grief over the past few weeks.

So I have been hearing this tiny muffled high-pitched beep over the past month. It happens only sporadically, so whenever I hear it, I perk up my ears and ask John, Hear that?, to which he always replies, Nope.

Of course. He can't hear it. Or anything else up there in that squeaky high sound universe.

So I chase around the house listening and listening......and after I have given up in disgust and return to whatever I was doing..........beeep.

Grr.

DID. YOU. HEAR. THAT? I snarl.

Nope. Calmly.

In response to the stress, I'm beginning to develop a twitch. I imagine I hear that beep in my sleep. I've had John dig through every electrical or battery device in the whole house looking for the beep source. We've replaced all the batteries in the smoke detectors and the carbon monoxide detectors.

I've dug through the kids' closets looking for abandoned battery powered toys or electronics. I've searched in all the sofa cushions looking for something - anything- that could beep.

I've begun listening suspiciously to the dogs. Yes. It's come to that.

And still.......beeeeeeep.

I have tried to guess it's location in the house and I swear it's moving. Sometimes I am certain that it's coming from the laundry room, other times it simply HAS to come from the den. Or is it upstairs?

Where are you, you wretched noise?

Curse you, you BEEEEEEEEP!

This has gone on far too long. It feels like a kind of water torture - I never know when the beeep will sound. Or from where. AND NO ONE ELSE CAN HEAR IT.

I must have scared John when I came close to erupting into violence last night after his now-expected Nope response to the beep. He looked at me with some alarm as I told him at point blank range through gritted teeth and slight frothing at the mouth that he simply. must. find. the. source. of. the. beep.

Or things could get ugly.

He sighed, put down his paper, crossed his arms over this chest and listened intently.

Silence.

Nothing. Nada. No beep.

He looked at me. Hear anything? he asked.

AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!

So we sat down to dinner. I, by this point, had degenerated into a paranoid idiot, mumbling into my calico hamburger and bean casserole with a twitchy left eyelid.

It's got to be somewhere....... Dumb stupid beep.....I'm not imagining this. I'm.....not.....crazy......Must....find.....

Beeeeep!

John put down his fork. Hey! I think I heard something! He made a beeline for the garage and within five minutes, FIVE STINKIN' MINUTES, had discovered the source.

I was torn between overwhelming relief and exasperation. Five minutes? It took him all of five minutes to find a beep that he could only barely hear?? And that I had been chasing around for a month??

Who knew that our cable box located in the garage had a BATTERY? And that it needed occasional replacing?  What a relief. That is, until we noticed what a strange shape and size that battery is. And that it will take another TWO WEEKS after ordering until it is delivered.

TWO. MORE. WEEKS.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.