Tunnel Vision

Image found here.

You should see John these days. He's ripping around our house and life in general like there's no tomorrow, which is a good thing. Over the past month or so, he's been dealing with a series of sinus infections related to his allergies, and he was one sick puppy. After two courses of antibiotics, he was zapped with an intestinal infection on top of everything else, poor guy.

Don't worry, honey. I won't go into the gruesome details. I'm really glad that it's all BEHIND you now. (har har. Really - I'm done. I promise.)

Yup, the energetic John that I know and love is definitely back in the building.

I have a confession to make, however. While he was down and out, I was not particularly sympathetic. Actually, I was......well......kind of weird about the whole thing. This is hard to explain, but I'll try.

As John's sinus infections kept building, he began to tell me how tired he was. He took naps. He found it hard to get out of bed in the mornings, and the pain and fatigue made him downright cranky at times.

Wait a minute. That's MY routine, I thought.

We were coming home from a shopping excursion one day in December and he commented that he couldn't wait to get home to put his feet up and rest for awhile. My response was something nasty like, Well. Welcome to my world! 

Yes. I actually said that out loud. John looked sideways at me and didn't say anything, bless his heart.

It made me realize how self-centered I've allowed myself to become.

I mustered up enough humility to apologize and slap my nursing cap back on. After some follow-up care and yet another round of medications and probiotics, he was back on his feet, thank goodness.

So yes, I was experiencing a serious case of tunnel vision when the poor guy became sick. But what was really weird was my reaction to his becoming well. Weird as in feeling pangs of jealousy. Green-eyed. How weird is that?

I kept telling John that he'd be back to his old self in no time. Just finish those antibiotics, drink plenty of fluids, take your probiotics, and you'll be all better. And he was, just like I promised. I'm happy about that, really I am. It's so good to see him regain his strength and sense of humor again.

But in my heart of hearts, I'm.......well.......I want someone to hand me a bottle of pills and tell me that if I take them, and drink plenty of fluids, and take my probiotics that I will be all better. But of course I know that's not going to happen any time soon.

It's all part of coming to terms with chronic illness, I guess. I am what I am. Others are what they are. The two aren't related.

It is what it is.