It's Good To Be Queen

image found on All Things Crowned

While eating lunch yesterday, my son dropped a big blob of chili right down the front of his shirt. He looked down at his stained shirt, then he and everyone else around the table looked at ME.

"What?" I looked blankly back at THEM.

They all burst out laughing. "Yeahhhh.....just like Mom," my daughter giggled.

I had to admit...they were right. I am the Goober Queen. Undeniably.

I really wish that I could attribute to Sjogren's syndrome and autoimmune disease my powerful goober skills. And, I suppose for other sjoggies who are goober novices, the argument could be made that autoimmune peripheral neuropathy could affect coordination to cause an accidental goober or two.

But actually, I think I was a goober princess from the time I grabbed a spoon as a baby and probably slathered it's contents all over myself. It took years of practice for me to evolve into a true Goober Queen.

I've goobered my way all across the world. I remember dumping contents of a beer stein down my blouse in Germany, have dribbled tea onto my lap in London, and most recently slobbered my way through Vermont, specifically in the Ben and Jerry's ice cream factory, (chocolate...mmmmm) and Philadelphia, (ooey gooey cheese steak). Oh, and sauteed onions. Lots of onions.

My goober skills have become so well known in our circle of family and friends that they tell me that my name has become not only a proper noun, but also a verb.

julia: jool' yah (v): to dribble, slather, spill, drool, drip, overflow, overrun, overturn, ooze, scatter, shed, spill over, splash, splatter, spray, sprinkle, spurt, squirt, drizzle, leak, seep, slobber, or spout a food or beverage or otherwise brightly colored liquid prominently onto one's clothing.

So, yep. That's me. The Goober Queen title is mine. I am the patron saint of dry cleaners everywhere. Specifically the ones whose staff are handed hopelessly stained plus-size blouses.

What? Think you can wear the Goober Queen crown, do you?

Bring it. I double dog dare ya.