Heading Home

I hate this airport today. 

Although I really want to stay longer............it seems that I can't. I was planning to stay with Mom until Saturday but a real midwestern - style blizzard is heading our way. Twelve inches of snow and forty mile an hour winds are predicted for Saturday and Sunday.

So here I am waiting in the airport for my flight back home. I have to say that the good folks at Alaska Airlines were very accommodating in changing my travel plans.

It was hard to hug Mom and Dad goodbye. I went up to the hospital for Mom's hugs, and got Dad's as I was standing in their kitchen giving him last minute instructions:

So Dad - there is more bread in the freezer. All you have to do is take it out and let it thaw on the countertop. I made some hamburgers for you and you can just warm them in the microwave. There's clean laundry in a basket in your room and don't forget to take Mom's manicure set up to the hospital. And blah blah blah blah blah.....

Several of you have noted a similarity between Mom and I in our - ahem - bossiness skills. I think you're right. However, we prefer to think of it as proactive delegation skills.

So as I pulled out of the driveway, Dad stood in the living room window waving good-bye. I drove off and wiped away a few tears as an enormous wave of emotion hit me.

I miss them so much. Already.

In those adrenalin-filled first few days after I arrived, there was so much to do. To learn. To plan. It's easier for me to remain in a clinical and analytical state of mind when facing a difficult situation. But now that I'm leaving everything behind (in the extremely capable hands of my sibs) I think the reality of what has happened is finally rising to the surface of my emotions. I have always thought of my parents as invincible and tough as nails, and actually they are. But they are elderly - Mom is 76 and Dad coming up on 86, and I realize that as much as I desperately want them to, they won't be around forever.

This week was an awakening for me. Mom's stroke opened my eyes to the fragile state of both of my parents. She dodged a pretty big bullet with her recovery from this episode and  I know that for the short term future, Mom and Dad will continue to be able to live independent and fairly active lives. But someday......

I don't want to think about it. Not yet.