Dancin' With Bob

So we're getting ready for our Las Vegas trip.

*Disclaimer*
I do like going to Las Vegas. 
I have fun on these trips. 
What's not to like about travel, good food, and puuurrrrrddddyyy lights?

But.

We have someone new coming along with us on this trip, and I'm not so sure that I like this guy. Let me explain........grab a cup of coffee, this may take awhile.

So, my husband really enjoys playing video poker when we go to Vegas. You all familiar with video poker? It's a game in which you are dealt poker hands on a video screen. After putting lots and lots of money in the machine, of course. You choose which cards to hold and which to discard, and then the machine deals you more virtual cards. Depending on what cards you choose to hold, you may LOSE ALL OF YOUR MONEY  or LOSE SOME OF YOUR MONEY. And occasionally win some money.

John points out very logically that according to payouts and statistics, unlike your basic one-armed-bandit slot machines, in video poker you have a much better chance of not LOSING ENORMOUS AMOUNTS OF MONEY if you play a game over which you have some choices and control.

He's right. Just ask our new Vegas virtual traveling companion, Bob Dancer.

Who's Bob Dancer? You can read about Bob here. Mr. Dancer has produced a video poker tutorial game, in which he promises that you will increase your odds of NOT LOSING AS MUCH MONEY. And mathematically proves it with mind-numbing charts. Mr. Dancer has done the math. Boy, has he done the math.......for each variation of video poker games, when dealt a random hand of cards, you increase your likelihood of LOSING LESS MONEY if you hold certain cards. There is a correct hold for every single stinkin' possible combination of cards. Every. One.

So, John, being that ridiculously logical person that he is, decided to learn the correct strategies in playing video poker, and purchased Mr. Dancer's tutorial computer game. He loves it. He scrutinizes the odds charts and payout values. And what's even more disgusting, he actually remembers what cards he's supposed to hold. Almost every time.

Awhile back, he said innocently, "Hey Jul - You should practice this too. It's fun, and you'll feel more comfortable playing the machines." I thought, why not? How hard could it be?

And so I was introduced to.........Bob.

I sat down to play the game. OK, I thought, I'll just insert a whole lot of imaginary money. Say a couple thousand bucks. Woo hoo! Bob seemed to like that.

I picked a simple game - Jacks or Better - and settled in to win a gazillion virtual bucks. My first hand of cards was dealt, I chose which cards to hold, and that's when the trouble began.

MAJOR ERROR flashed across the screen. POTENTIAL MONEY LOST DUE TO THIS ERROR IS....

Well. How rude. I tried again.

MAJOR ERROR 

Hey there, Bob. No need to get so testy about it. Let's play nice, OK?

MAJOR ERROR

All right. Bob-o-boy. Watch out. Julia's getting serious here. I rolled up my sleeves, scooted closer to the computer and peered intently at the screen. Deal 'em, BOB-A-RINO. You and me, big guy. Just you and me.

Bring it, BOB.

MAJOR ERROR

After two hours, John peeked into the study to find me standing in my pink fluffy bunny slippers on top of the computer chair screaming, "Hey BOB! Want a piece of me? DO YA? DO YA? I'll show YOU a MAJOR ERROR!!"

"Um, Jul, honey? You do know that this is just a computer game, right? Honey? Please...... tell me that you know that......honey?"

I allowed myself to be lead away, still mumbling, "I still think you should hold just the ace of hearts instead of the ace queen combination especially when all you have left is lower numbers...."

John thinks that we should load BOB into his laptop so that he can practice on the way over to Las Vegas, but I'm putting my foot down.

No way. No how.

No Bob.