Taming Of That Bratty Inner Child....For Today

It all started this morning when I opened one eye, or tried to since my eyes were stuck together - dang I hate this whole not making enough tears thing - and realized that today was going to be one of those days. I expected to be tired since I have been busy over the past few days shopping and doing errands. I can deal with low energy reserves, but what really makes me cranky is when Bratty Inner Child Julia decides to make her appearance as well.

I've written about BICJ frequently before, and she's a real pain in the neck, but today she was in rare form. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Whoooeeee. I really need to get up, get a shower, and get going for the day.

BICJ: Nah. Maybe I won't get out of bed at all if I don't feel like it.  I'll bet nobody would notice if I just stayed in my jammies even if I did get up. Pajama pants are still pants, after all. 

Me: Oh, no....she's back...

BICJ: Back? Back? I own this place. And you can't make me do anything I don't want to do. Nah. Ner. Nanner. Nanner nanner.  * Sticks out tongue *

Me: Wow, she's especially difficult today. This is going to take some serious strategizing.

BICJ:* suspicious silence *

ME: How about if we just stick one toe out from under the comforter? Huh? Like this? Not so bad, eh?

BICJ: I'm only getting up because I have to go to the bathroom. Then I'm going right back to bed.

Me: That's it! That's my girl! Now, as long as we're in the bathroom, let's just turn the shower on to get the water all nice and warm and comfy...

BICJ: Shower? Shower? I didn't agree to no stinkin' shower! I'll just slather all sorts of scented lotion all over myself. * begins rummaging around in bathroom drawers *

Me: Juuullllliiiaaaaaa.....honey, if you take a shower, we'll have a nice breakfast. I bought a brand new box of organic spelt and pomegranate cereal yesterday....mmmmmm.....doesn't that sound goooood?

BICJ: Blech! Ptoooie! It's back to bed for sure, now! Or - oooooo - even better - I'm going to get in the car in my jammies and drive through Krispy Kreme and order up a whole dozen donuts. And one of their fancy mocha espresso drinks. And I'll eat half a dozen donuts on the way back home. So there! * shoves one foot in nearest shoe * 


ME: Wait! Wait! Um....OK, you little sugar fiend you, we can go get donuts, but you have to have a shower first. C'mon, look, the shower is all warm and steamy....all you have to do is just slip out of your jammies and just stand in there. You don't have to do anything else, if you don't want to.

BICJ: Ok. I'll get in there but I'm not washing my hair. 


ME: You don't have to do anything you don't want to do....that's a good girl....ahhhh. Now doesn't that warm water feel good? It does? Well, lookie here - it's a bar of soap. How handy. Rub a dub....

BICJ: Hey! How did my head get under the shower? I've been tricked! You know it's the first think I do when I get in the shower! Now I'll have to wash my hair seeing as it's already wet. I am so going to Krispy Kreme after this!

ME: We can do anything you want as long as you dry your hair. Look - here's the hair dryer right where you left it a couple days ago in a messy pile of junk all ready to use! And we might as well turn on the straightener since it's right on top of the hair dryer!

BICJ: I think I'll get a dozen of their raised glazed donuts.....maybe a mix of all their donuts would be better....I wonder if a dozen will be enough? * hair dryer whirring * So I'll do my hair, but I'm not doing makeup. No way. Not going to happen. * runs straightener over hair *

ME: Makeup? Pshaw. I wouldn't even think of asking you to do something you wouldn't want to do. Well, what do you know - a nice clean jogging suit. It's kind of like jammies, right? How about we just slip that on with a nice squishy pair of clean socks?

BICJ: Donuts donuts donuts donuts donuts coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee.......


ME: Gosh, I think John has already made a nice fresh pot of coffee. How about we just pour ourself a nice steaming mug right here at home? And - and - um - say, there's some of that fancy schmantzy coffee creamer in the fridge, wouldn't that taste good? Ooo - I think there's even some of that whipped cream in a can - a little spritz of that would taste just as good as an espresso drink at a coffee shop, now wouldn't it?

BICJ: * slurps * It is pretty dang good. 


ME: Well, if you're going to drink your coffee here at home, how about you just try a little bit of that new cereal.....c'mon, you know you really do like it..... * wheedle wheedle wheedle voice *

BICJ: * munch munch munch * Not bad. Might as well fire up the laptop.....* plops down on the couch, coffee cup and cereal bowl in hand *

So that's how I averted disaster for today. You think I'm kidding? You think I'm exaggerating?

I only wish I were.