Somebody Stop Me

I have in my hand a bottle of sunless tanning lotion.

 Here I am in the sunny southwest where everyone, and I mean everyone, has a gorgeous golden brown healthy glowing tan.

 I want one.

 A tan would make all the difference in my appearance. Who needs to worry about the size of jeans or the state of your hair if your skin is bronzed to perfection? And the unibrow? Forget about it. A perfect tan dazzles above and beyond everything else.

 Since I don’t tolerate the direct sun or heat well, getting a tan in the usual way just isn’t going to happen. There are those who would argue that it’s better not to get a tan in the usual way, anyway. They are probably right.

 It occurred to me that I could maybe cheat, and slap on some of this tan-in-a-can stuff. Gee, the bottle makes it look so easy to get flawless golden results.

 Which prompted a little voice in my head to remind me that my track record in impetuous decisions isn’t good.

 My friend Terese can attest to the fact that when I make snap decisions regarding my appearance, the end result is always disastrous. The “I think I’ll have my hair frosted” incident is a great example. I won’t discuss the results but it did cause Terese to drive all the way over to my house at 7:30AM just to guffaw. And yes, this did take place one day before a mega family reunion.

 Then there was the time that I allowed a salesperson to persuade me that I looked terrific in a plus sized miniskirt.

 And the time that I decided that do-it-yourself perms were a thing of beauty.

 I should know better. Still………….

 How long can I resist? It is taking every ounce of self-control, but I am stepping away from the lotion.

 For the moment.